


Five Stages of Grief

by zandral



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), Multi, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Crowley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-22 09:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19665052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zandral/pseuds/zandral
Summary: In which it takes a Demon who claims he 'sauntered downward' 6000 years to go through all stages of GriefThis is a love story and also long story.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> *takes my other works and shoves them in the closet* Look. I love this idea and let me just tell you I am using ALL my flowery language to describe things needlessly here. It's the one fic I'm letting myself do this so please-Indulge me.

A beautiful and carefully maintained 1929 Beantly was patiently waiting for its owner to finish primping himself and gathering up his nerves before it took a wonderful nap in this parking space that had just the right amount of sun and shade to make a car be comfortably warm than unbearably so. Crowley, the owner of said Bentley, kept inside the car and instead twisted and pulled at their hair for the 67th time this afternoon as he nervously glanced over once more at the chocolates from Germany he acquired for a certain angel. He was going to hand them to him, humans do it all the blasted time and even if Aziraphale hated the damn things would be charmed by how human the act was, before telling the man he was head over heels, fallen deeply in love with the blasted bastard who smiled so sweetly the chocolates were bitter compared to it.

Falling for someone was harder than falling from grace. There was no denial of your sins, there was only bitter acceptance that you either took crying in regret or with a look in your eyes that dared one of the remaining archangels to do the task as you fell with a roar that shook the earth below and became what is now known today as Thunder. Crowley remembered doing neither, always the rebel, he just remembered his golden eyes gazing sadly into tear stained purple before turning his back and quietly letting the new head of heavens angels do the task he was ordered to do. Letting the archangel have his one last Mercy as an angel, letting Gabriel not see the anguish and pain cross his face as his Grace was taken from him and he fell into the sulfur so far below. 

He had, as the humans now say, fucked up fam. Royally. No need to make someones job difficult when he was the one at fault. Crowley never talked about his Fall, however many demons who had been angels before mention it even though they didn’t know it was specifically Crowleys. It was considered Rude to talk about the Fall, as no one wanted to talk about the most painful day of their eternally damned lives. However, the bright Comet light falling from heaven had not only been the one of the last ones, it had lit up Hell just for one moment as brightly as their old home had been once it landed in the Sulfur. There had been so many other Demons to fall in that same pit that no one knew who’s fall that was exactly, though when it came up, Crowley normally just nodded and went back up to Earth to tempt some poor human with a stuck coin on the ground.

Back to falling for someone though. Crowley knew he had fallen for someone many years ago, but was in denial and the other stages of grief about it until around the time when he realized he’d walk into a church for the idiot. ‘Why did the demon go through the stages of grief?’ someone may ask, and they would be right to do so. Love is supposed to be an amazing affair that bursts into someones soul like a summer breeze that cools you enough to get through a hike, or is gentle in it’s way of coming into your soul like a rose blooming in spring. Like stated earlier though, Crowley was a rebel and never did things the normal way.

In fact, for around 6000 years he’s been in these stages, and only after armaget-not happened did the demon feel as if there was no use denying it any longer. He was in love, something Crowley didn’t think his kind could feel, yet he did. So strongly every moment of every day it was almost as if he had his Angelic Grace back and was able to feel and reciprocate that unconditional love again that was an echo of Her’s. 

Before we continue on with what happens after Crowley finally gets out of his vehicle almost 30 minutes later and walked over to Aziraphale’s Bookshop, his hair a wild wreck that still looked amazing regardless and a nervous twitch to his fingers that held onto the chocolates, there is another story to tell. The story of how he came to accept his fate, just like he did before he fell, should be told to better understand what happens inside the bookshop, where Aziraphale shall be pleasantly shocked at the gift and Crowley almost melting at the sight of the angel who tempted a demon to try and be kinder. 

It starts where this story will end, in a garden.


	2. The first Denial

Aziraphale was fixing the wall well into the day after the rain past and close to sunset where Adam and Eve made their way out of the Garden. The Angel and Guardian of the Eastern Gate going back to doing his job even after his charges left, until told otherwise he’d keep this area nice and protected, just like She asked him too. Make sure no more snakes came into the Garden to cause anymore mischief.

He had forgotten though to make sure the Snake that *had* caused quite a stir left the garden, before going to seal his poor wall shut. Fortunately for the Principality, the Snake and Demon known as Crawley was just sitting under the ‘tree of knowledge’ looking up at the sky and watching the last rain clouds left the area. They echoed the sunset that was happening by painting the undersides clouds an orange hue and slowly looked to be shadows of what they looked like in the day. As if a flame scorched them and they burned slowly into the night to become ash. The demon thought that was poetic, and reminded him of the Fall that had happened not so long ago for him. His ivory white wings scorched and turned black as he fell from Her Grace. Perhaps this was what She had wanted the image to represent. Have the Angels remember what happened when you questioned Her.

Yet... This Principality that had been tasked with guarding the garden from the likes of him sheltered him from the first rain. Regardless of the fact he was Damned, Aziraphale stretched out his ceramic white wing and protected Crawley from the elements without so much as a flicker of hesitation before doing so. Standing under it, he remembered doing the same thing for a young Archangel so long ago from the heat of a new star until the little one got used to it.

Closing his serpent like eyes, the demon clenched his jaw at the memory. Best not to think of the past too much. Back to the now and his thoughts on Aziraphale. 

The new Angel was possibly created before or perhaps even during Lucifers War on Her. They were a principality that was tasked with guarding the creations that she Herself casted out her own child for doubting their worth must have be some kind of guard to make sure those very angry children didn’t come up and kill the humans out of spite. Honestly when Crawley had been slithering up to Eve, he thought for sure his head would be sliced off his body before reaching the woman. The higher ups had ordered him to go and stir up trouble after some other demons came back with scorch marks and burns that reminded some a bit too much of ‘heavenly’ fire. 

\--

_ “You really might be in need of more training if you hadn’t spotted me slithering around the garden.” Crawley had teased while being sheltered by the Guardian of the Eastern Gates wings as the rain fell on them. Aziraphale just gave him a small side eye and what will be known in modern times as an almost haughty smirk. _

_ “Who says I didn’t?” _

_ “But then wh-” _

_ “I was...instructed to watch and guard, only to engage when threats were present.” Aziraphale said with a small shrug that baffled the demon “You had been here already for a few days, just basking in the sun and looking almost..content. Most Demons I have heard of or had to engage before were more direct and sudden with their actions, none had even actually gotten into the garden before you. I-I felt no ill intent from you when I noticed you for the first time, demon or not and so I…” _

_ Looking a bit timid now Aziraphale nervously glanced away. “Well I had thought you were not going to cause any mischief, just there for a bit of a sunbathe and let you be.” He finally admitted, knowing full well that Heavens orders when regarding Demons was ‘Smite first, ask the Ashes questions later’.  _

_ “That was a dumb move” Crawley said on instict more than anything else. _

_ “Yes I realize that now.” _

_ With a sigh, Aziraphale looked up into the sky, the raindrops falling delicately onto his face as he looked up at the heavens almost as if he could find something in the storm. Crawley wondered what the Angel was thinking. Was he fearing that God would smite him instead? Would he be the first Angel to fall since the War? Did he regret letting Crawley have those few days of blessed peace from the horrors of Hell before doing his job? _

_ “Suppose what’s done is done, and next time we meet I shall be more on guard to your whiley and more intricate ways of preforming sins and temptations!” Aziraphale said finally with conviction, nodding his head and turning to look back at Crawley with a kind grin. It wasn’t a smile you gave to an enemy, but perhaps someone you almost admired, and it made Crawley speechless for a moment seeing it.  _

_ “...Yeah.” _

\--

That had been the end of the discussion, both entities just watching the storm together. One safe from the cold rain and the other basking in it. Crawley had slithered back into the Garden soon after it stopped, knowing soon it would stretch and dissipate into the world. Or whatever the Almighty had plans for it. Aziraphale had had his back turned and was making his way to the broken bit of wall to repair and possibly come up with an excuse for why he was now flaming swordless

Now as he was sitting down and using the trunk of the Tree of Knowledge to rest his weary body, being in this form was a lot more bony and hard after being a snake for decades, Crawley did something he hadn’t done in almost millennia. He prayed. Knowing this place would never be touched by another Demon helped Crawley be very honest with his prayer, not hiding what he really wanted to tell her.

“I know I haven’t talk to you, been a bit busy suffering and all,” He started out, opening back up his now sickly yellow eyes to gaze upon the sky again. “But I wanted to ask for you to let the Principality Aziraphale…have a break.” 

Fiddling with a blade of grass and he kept his eyes up on the darkening sky, he could see the first stars start to appear. He missed seeing his and his breathern’s creations from Before. All these days of being up here and enjoying for the first time in so long the chance to see them and the other things he helped with made him almost of the Angels hesitation. He was basking in not just the sunlight, but everything these few days. Still...what he did was against protocol for Angels, at least that’s what he remembered. “I mean, he’s obviously never really met an ‘experienced’ Demon, possibly only those created by, well...You know.” 

She would know. Lucifer had started to make his own demons after being cast down, wanting to create a bigger army so that next they fought the angels his army was greater than hers. The demons were strong, but lacked the bitterness and knowledge of the Fallen that gave them the drive to really want to destroy an angel even after being injured and knowing certain death was near. 

“So, give him a break yeah?” He asked, swallowing a lump in his throat as the next sentence was harder to say “Don’t...Don’t do what you did to me, unto him. Please.” Voice breaking at the please, Crawley bit his lip as he could feel rain fall down his face as he looked up at the sky now full of stars twinkling down at him. 

“Not that I like the Angel, nah. Just-Ya know.” wiping his cheek with the palm of his hand not clutching the ground as if to stabilize the sitting man. “He-He ss-sheltered me. The first one to be kind to me sssz- ...since you made Gab-” Choking on his words, the rain kept falling down his face as he looked down at the grass covered ground. “Fuck- I can’t”

_ ‘U-Unforgivable, you shall be cast down with the rest of the Fallen.’ Gabriel had managed to choke out, with Uriel holding Michael’s crying form close to theirs as they could not bare to watch another brethren they had been so close to fall from Grace after watching Lucifer.  _

_ ‘I know.’ He had said before turning to let the once little but now so powerful Archangel- _

It took him a moment to gain back his voice and another to dare look up into the sky, his whole body shaking in both rage and anguish. For a moment he imagined Aziraphale in his position back then. The thought made his voice become desperate, just thinking of the Principality losing his grace and having all that kindness melted out of him sent the demon into an almost desperate plea.

“He’s not bad! Not like I was. Am. Didn’t even ques-sstion your plan, Hess-fuck- He’s just kind. Please let him be kind.” Those were the last words he whispered to her and the heavens before closing his eyes and letting himself become his serpent form again, traveling out of the garden to find somewhere else to go before Hell called him back for a report. He let himself say it was to travel faster through the dunes of the dessert. Not the fact that snakes couldn’t cry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rain is actually his tears. That he's crying out. Crowley's crying for like half the chapter. I thought I should mention it just in case it wasn't clear. Also oh wow I really wrote a bit for this one.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are heavenly <3


End file.
